15. Look back because forgetting is easy

Traveling for a month and a half through New Zealand and what a journey it has been so far. I’ve met more people than I can remember, experienced so many different things, seen so much untouched rough nature and gotten out of my comfort zone easier than I could have ever imagined.

Experiencing ultimate freedom, but feeling locked up inside because of the obligation to write and plan the rest of my trip. Everything is happening so fast and even though I’ve told you about conquering my biggest physical fear (getting injections), I’ve never told you about my biggest inner fear: to forget. Afraid to forget how I can make myself happy, afraid to forget things that I’ve learned in life and the things that I’ve learned during my depression. Afraid to fall back in to a depression and live the rest of my life unaware and like a braindead person.

            To exist is easy, but to really LIVE A LIFE takes more effort.

I could have go on traveling through New Zealand the way I did so far and it has been lovely. Doing things, meeting people, exploring and going to places just because I wanted to go there…but I wasn’t satisfied yet. The line that I’ve told myself and my fellow travellers so many times “I need to do some writing” entered my thoughts and conversations constantly. I had two options: or I would leave writing for what it is and hoping that the longing to write would stop together with the fear of forgetting things that I’ve experienced… or… I could stop without thinking when I’d have to go on with my journey and take my time to write and hopefully ease my mind. A bit like “defragmentation” on the computer. Giving experiences and memories a place where I could treasure them for a longer time. Being able to continue my journey without fear and the feeling of obligation.

And so I decided to spend some time in Nelson. Not to experience this town, but to catch up with writing, sharing my adventures with my readers/followers and to translate my blogs to English, because at this moment it’s easier for me to communicate in English (when I hear myself talking in Dutch it sounds ridiculous) and because I’ve met people that want to read my blog as well that don’t know Dutch.

So from now on my blogs will probably be in English, unless I’m writing a story that is easier for me to explain in Dutch, in that case I will translate it to English as well. Of course my English won’t be perfect, but I’m learning as I go/write. If you don’t understand a certain part, feel free to react and just ask. I’ll be trying to spend more time writing and I’m happy to explain anything. Feel free to add yourself to my mailing list, it won’t send you spam, you’ll just get a notification when I’ve posted new pictures or when a new story is available to read. I’d like more followers/readers so if you know anyone that would be interested, just point them to this blog :)